How I forgave

In thinking over this whole ugly business, I've been amazed that I was able to forgive my husband for his betrayal so quickly. I told him (and meant it) exactly one week after finding everything out. In looking back over friendships that have ended badly in my past, I realized that I have hardly ever forgiven anything this quickly. A friendship or two from my past where I felt I was very misused took months or over a year for me to think about without anger. There is no denying that adultery is the worst form of betrayal and I can't imagine anyone being able to hurt me more. My husband's offense was many times over a greater blow than thoughtlessness or neglect of a friendship. So why could I forgive this greatest of offenses so much sooner?

I think the reason can be summed up in one word: Love. I thought that those friendships were deeply important to me, but through this present ordeal I am realizing that if I wanted to keep those friendships, I would have forgiven my friends. The most important relationship in my life is with my husband, and I wanted/want so badly to make our marriage work. I knew that it never could if I nursed my anger and became bitter.

I love him. I want him. I want a future with him. I realized that having a happy marriage was going to require forgiveness and then it became a simple, but not easy decision. Since those words were spoken, the anger has been gone. There is pain.........that I can't will away, but there is no anger, and with God's grace, no bitterness.

~This is now November and I wanted to comment on this post~

My anger has come and gone over the past few months. I read something that made me review my feelings on forgiveness. It said that there are three stages: the act of forgiveness, when you say the words, the process of forgiveness, when you work through the anger, and the state of forgiveness, when it is all behind you.

When I wrote this post back in June I had made the first step. I made a conscious decision to forgive him. It wasn't over and done with just like that, but making the first step was important. It was a promise to follow through on the process. It was a promise to push through the anger, a promise to prevent resentment from forming, a promise that I would not forever punish him for his sins. Like I said back in June, my motivation to forgive him was stronger than I've ever had for anyone else, but it has not been easy. I feel like I am very close to the final stage....
11-14-06