Doubts

Today for the first time in this, or ever, I doubted God's love for me. I have tried to be a faithful daughter, and live His will. The affair is enough......why must there be a child too? I wish I could understand why God is allowing this to happen to me, and to our baby. Why, God? Have I not tried to be good? Am I being punished?

I know that in this life we don't get what we deserve, and have tried to remember Job, a faithful servant of God who lost everything he cared for. I've also been trying to remember the words of Fulton J. Sheen "Suffering happens when God loves you so much, that His embrace is so tight that it hurts." I can understand in my mind that God can love me and allow this, but I feel so desolate....I feel like He's abandoned me.

In this whole awful situation, I feel like I can handle everything, except the other child. I think of that and I want to give up......I feel so forsaken. Not being the only mother of my husband's children.......there is no pain greater than that that I can imagine.

Please, God, you're squeezing me too tightly. I can't breathe.... I love You so much, Lord. Please take pity on me and on my baby. Give me strength to face what's ahead. I need You....