The Dream

Last night I dreamed I had a romantic encounter with someone I have only met once or twice. I can't even picture his face. I just knew his name. Maybe on some unconscious level I wanted to hurt you back. Or maybe, I just wanted to experience that rush of a new attraction. I can't say. But even in my dream, I wasn't happy with him, even in that moment, and I got up and walked out of the room with him calling after me. When I woke up, all I wanted was you next to me. All I wanted was to be in your arms again. Your father told me that there is something so sacred and perfect between a man and his wife in the sacrament of marriage, that even after a divorce and remarriage, you can never reclaim the beauty of the first. He said that that's why most people who divorce once divorce again. They can never but are always trying to reclaim the holy graces they received in their first marriage (obviously if a marriage is annulled, that's different). There was a fleeting moment in this trial that I wished I could leave you and find someone else. It was only fleeting, though, because I knew I could never have with another man all the goodness that existed--will exist again--between us with another person. And maybe that was the real message of my dream.