Today's Gospel reading made me think about the other person in our situation who needs my forgiveness. I don't know if I'll ever send this, but felt the need to write it anyway. Maybe some "other woman" or couple in this situation will benefit in some way by reading my letter.
My purpose in writing you, whether or not you feel the need for it, is to let you know that you have my forgiveness. It may take many years, if ever, for you to feel remorse for almost destroying a marriage, but I felt the need in myself to tell you that I don’t hate you, and I am no longer angry. Maybe someday it will give you comfort to know that. You should know that my husband also has my forgiveness. His whole hearted drive to save our marriage gives testament to his sincerity in working through this with me. You should also know that I have asked very little of him. The counseling, spiritual direction, reading, cutting off contact with you, turning off his cell phone, are all of his own volition.
For as long as I have known my husband (seven years), I have seen how admired he was by the women around him. Although I have always thought him handsome, what was always most attractive to me, and I think other women sensed it instinctually when near him, was his character, his strength, confidence, and his goodness. Even if those weren’t what you thought about consciously when you started a relationship with him, I am sure that on some level you were attracted to those qualities. He is a special and rare man. I want you to realize that had he continued a relationship with you, had he left me and our son to be with you, as I’m sure you wished, you would have killed in him what was always so beautiful. His soul and his integrity were severely jeopardized by his involvement with you, but had he walked out on his marriage, they would have been lost forever. You never would have been happy with him because you couldn’t respect him and would be living in fear that he would abandon you as he did his family. I hope that you are able to understand this and maybe be glad you were saved more time invested in a relationship that could have only ended in bitterness, had you gotten what you wanted.
Life can be so hard out there for a woman. I’m sure you know this even better than I do. Men mistreat and use us all the time. Isn’t it that much worse, then, when a woman knowingly destroys another woman’s life, as you could have done to mine? Every woman has a dignity given by God. Maybe if you truly realize and accept that in yourself, it will help you see it in others and prevent you later on from mercilessly trying to ruin some other wife’s dreams because you want what is hers for yourself.
I pray that your pain now is not in vain, and when it heals, you can find happiness and peace .
2 comments:
I know you believed for a while that you loved him. The idea of any woman loving my husband is not a surprise. Loving someone, though, means you want what is best for him. Ruining his marriage, dividing his time from his family, deliberately enticing him to behavior that you knew was contrary to his beliefs, was not evidence of true love, but an entirely self-serving need in yourself.
Your situation is so sad. My heart grieves for you. There is nothing more sacred and beautiful than physical intimacy when it is shared by two people who love each other and commit to each other for the rest of their lives. By giving Benjamin your body without any assurance of his love for you, you put such a low price on yourself and your own value. You gave yourself to a man without insisting on a commitment, demanding that he be with only you (when you slept with my husband, you knew he would be leaving you to hurry home to his wife right after), or any acknowledgement that your feelings were returned. All that you're left with now is a broken heart and a child with a man who doesn't want you in his life. It grieves me that any women put themselves in such a painful situation. I pray that you don't suffer from another tragedy like this again.
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