Monday, June 12, 2006

Just so you know that I've noticed.....

  • You ended the relationship with her after the second time, roughly a month before I found them out. It is comforting to me that it didn’t take discovery for you to stop seeing her. You tried to end it before getting caught. I’m glad to know that you wouldn’t have indefinitely continued this affair until being discovered.
  • You came clean with your parents, even though you knew it could change their opinion of you forever. You believing it was one of the necessary consequences you would have to suffer for your sin is in character for you. You have always taken responsibility for your actions. You have never been a coward or one to run because things might get unpleasant. It was something I always saw and admired during our courtship (things weren’t always easy with my parents) and I was relieved to see it in this.
  • You faithfully reads the Bible every day now. Afterwards you share with me what stands out and we have had some really wonderful conversations as a result. It feels like our courtship when we were reading so many things the Bishop gave us to discuss.
  • I had a pamphlet for a marriage recovery weekend in my purse that, unbeknownst to be, you took and contacted them asking for a registration form.
  • You also hunted down a therapist through the diocese for us and set up the appointments and contacted insurance about it.
  • You called to see when we could get counseling from a priest.
  • You promised me that you would do anything it took to heal our marriage. You never makes any excuses or places blame on anyone but yourself for what happened. When I cry, you try to comfort me. When I say things that are hurtful or unfair, you don't argue, but asks for forgiveness. After months of being lied to and suspecting you weren't being honest, I feel like I can now know for certain when you're being truthful, having lived through your lies.
  • You and I went to Focus on the Family and looked for books to help us. Aside from reading and discussing the one we finished, you are also reading a book independently of me and just because you thought it could help, on how to strengthen a marriage.
  • You voluntarily turned in your cell phone.
  • You gave me all the receipts from your business trip without my asking for them.
  • You call me several times during the day so I can see where you are or who you're with by the number. You have a friend witness every/both calls from her so that I can verify with him what was said.
  • You created a blog site for yourself and helped me set one up too for us to journal our thoughts and what we’re going through, and so we can share it with each other.
My Love, I just want you to know that I see your efforts and appreciate them. I love you so much. Thank you for trying to repair our marriage.

2 comments:

Mea Culpa said...

There was too much contact after the first time. I should have just cut it off. There was too much contact after the second time. If I had just quit, stopped answering, stopped responding, things would have been over much sooner. I didn't act responsibly and I should have. You pointed this out - if I had taken to heart the same advice I have given you in the past, I would have just cut off communication. This is what I should have done. A big regret.

How could I place blame on anyone but myself? Who else COULD I blame? You didn't do anything wrong to deserve this... certainly our son didn't. Our parents didn't do anything.

You pointed out on Sunday that we have choices. I think you are right. I chose this, because I was being selfish and not selfless. I don't remember consciously making the choice, but regardless it was still through my fault that this happened. Any anger, hurt, sadness that you have is because of me, so I cannot make excuses or place the blame elsewhere. I am a sinner.

I have to correct one thing, though. I generally don't call and email you throughout the day so that you can see who I am with or where I am. I call you throughout the day so we can reconnect. I can talk to you. I can be with you, if not physically. I want you to be the one I connect with. That is the point of our contact.

I do love you, and I am sorry.

wanting to heal said...

I'm glad you call to connect with me. You and I are doing better now than we have in months.