Last night

Last night for the first time in weeks I felt anger. I felt the injustice of my life being so disrupted. the injustice of the daily torment and suspense I live in. the injustice of losing everything that was unique and special about our love and marriage to some whore who deliberately and greedily went after a married man.

The anger was brief and melted into a hopeless feeling. Last night was the closest I've come to despair. So much has been lost. Some times I feel like the ache in my heart will never go away.....and I wanted so much to find something to numb the pain for a while. There is nothing, though. The things people turn to the hide their pain: drugs, alchohol, sex, shopping, don't really heal anything and leave you with a bigger problem than you started with. I just have to feel this pain and pray to God to help me through it.

Dear St. Catherine of Genoa,
your heart was broken like mine too, once. Through God's grace both you and your husband were able to overcome the pain to become better, stronger, holier people. Please show me the way to allow and use His Grace during my darkest hour. Comfort me when I feel all hope is lost. Show me that the pain I am feeling now is not a permanent one and that my husband and I can have peace again, as you did. But above all, give me a genuine belief and trust in God's holy will and accept that He is the one truly in control: not me, not my husband, and especially, not her.