I have to let go

I counseling last night I was told that my expectations for proof are unrealistic and that I'm trying to control things that I just can't. That is so hard for me because I feel like absolutely nothing from the past 8 months has been in my control and that my need for proof is not so much to ask considering everything I've gone through. When I think about not being able to have this piece of the puzzle, it makes me feel resentful towards my husband. But I know that isn't reasonable because he really is doing all he can.

I logically understand why we can't press the issue of proof. Honestly, I agree with that logic too. Now, I need to let go and trust in God's wisdom and mercy. My husband has been trying so hard, but he does have limitations. God does not.

I need to start saying the Litany of Abandonment again like I did a while ago.

Lord,
forgive me my lack of trust in You. If I allow these doubts to rule me, then I have wasted our sweet daughter's life. I'm sorry for my weakness, Lord, but I also can't overcome it without You. Help me lose the need to have proof. Faith doesn't require proof. Give me a serenity in knowing that Your will is being done. When it seems hard to perservere, teach me to abandon myself to You, Oh Christ.

Teach me faith. Amen.