Monday, July 17, 2006

Fear

Last night I was struck with a panic. Our prayer has been to avoid the worse case scenario: another baby. It hit me last night that what if that isn't the worst? My husband has been praying that the punishment he's due will fall on him alone, and not me and our children. For a moment I was fearful that the punishment might be taking his life. That would be so much worse. I can't bear the thought of life without my Love. Praise be to God, He rarely answers our prayers the way we expect or think of. And that punishment would hurt me and ours even worse than the alternative. Last night for the first time, I joined him on the floor. I didn't want to be far from him. I wanted to know he was near.

What gloomy thoughts we have been having.

Dear Lord,
help us live our wedding verse "consider the lilies of the field....". We trust in your divine plan and know that you can make all things right. Give us peace. We are really going through a tough few days right now. We make our hearts and wills transparent before You. You can see our devotion, our Love, our sorrow, our repentance. Please do not turn your back upon us during this time.
Amen.

2 comments:

Mea Culpa said...

I can't stop crying. This has been as hard as the beginning.

wanting to heal said...

My love and prayers are around you, even if my arms are not.