Not a good weekend

This was such a difficult weekend. We are both very fragile right now. Fragile and broken. I told my husband how at the beginning I considered a separation, not so we could determine whether or not to stay together, but so he could truly appreciate me and our son. I decided not to for many reasons, some of which being: The lesson might be learned, but we would have lost all that time healing and strengthening our marriage. Our son had missed so much daddy time already because of the affair. I didn't want to rip them apart when they had finally started bonding. I would miss him. If he felt alone, he might go to the other woman for comfort.

I also that I had thought about waiting to see if there was a baby before deciding if I would stay married to him. I told him that at the beginning too. Weeks ago I dismissed that thought. I can't say I'll only stay married if I know what will happen, because there is no way to know. There will be more suffering in our future entirely unrelated to this. I can't leave because of uncertainty that would exist in any marriage.

I didn't realize, though, the effect that these two things would have on my husband. He was devastated all weekend long, thinking again of the possibility of losing me. I'm not walking, Darling. I'm not leaving. We are so good together when we're strong, and with God's grace, we will be again.