Last night in counseling, our therapist told us to only focus on what we know. We know that she told my husband she thought she might be pregnant when he told her they couldn't be friends. We know she wouldn't confirm the pregnancy until after he said he never wanted to even talk to her again. We know that she promised to send bills that she never has. We know she talked about them being a financial burden, but hasn't made any attempt to prove her need so she can get them taken care of. We know that it has been several weeks since we talked to her. We know that she only claimed she took a test that was positive, when she could've gotten a test in writing from her doctor and sent it to us. We know that when people feel desperate to hang onto something they feel they're losing, they would do much and say much to prevent the loss. We know that she is unethical and entirely self focused.
We don't know for a fact that she ever was pregnant. We don't know that she went to the hospital several times. We don't know that she is now or ever was carrying my husband's child.
Those are the things we need to focus on now until she gives us reason to believe otherwise. Based on the evidence, it is not unreasonable or clouded to assume that she isn't pregnant. She might be, but we can have no possible way of knowing that without any proof.
A wise priest said once that feelings only exist to support what we know. When they do more than that, they have outgrown their usefulness. I fear that she might someday come to us with a child. I fear that she might try to hurt us. But those fears are not based on facts, and I can't allow them to control me. I have a tiny baby to think about (and a not so tiny one!). I am trying with all my heart to just focus on what I know and trust all the signs that God and the saints are giving us.
I love you, my husband. I know you know that, but I felt the need to say it here.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
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1 comment:
It is hard to concentrate, especially when things are in the air so much, but I do agree that we need to focus on our family. Even if she comes at us again, if there is no proof, we don't do anything.
I owe her nothing. I'm sorry to you, not her.
I love you. Thanks for the beautiful post.
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