Almost

What a week. I was right when I said earlier that I thought this past week would be when we got all our answers. She wrote us this week asking for money. We said that we needed to know if she was still pregnant. If she wasn't, we'd settle the bills now but if she was, we would have to wait until after the baby is born. She said she lost the baby and now we just wait for her to provide proof.

The end of that portion of our suffering is so close. I can feel it. Taste it. By this time next week, I pray that we have closure and I believe we will. I'm not patient, but can't do anything other than wait and pray. Sometimes I still have fears that she was lying to get the money, other times I know that her losing the baby is the only explanation that makes sense with her behavior.

I've felt that until that issue is resolved, I wouldn't be able to truly focus completely on our marriage. Now that we have almost gotten that much needed relief, we are going to have a lot of work to do on our marriage. I don't worry that we're not up to the task, though. If our marriage could survive an affair that for all we knew resulted in another child with years of repercussions and responsibilities, I know we can work through things now that we don't have to face that.

The night before she wrote us, I woke up in cold sweat, feeling a horrible evil presence in our life. In hindsight, I think that I could tell that she was so close to us and that the last horrible test was about to begin.

The night that she wrote us that the baby had died, Satan was mercilessly pulling on me. I began to be plagued by doubts and overwhelming anger. My husband told me that Satan was working on me, but I just wanted to hurt him. In a weak moment, I forced him to call her so that we could finally have closure. Thankfully, she didn't answer and we changed our number right away. But it was scary that my judgement could have been so impared for those moments.

Dear Lord,
help us have patience during this week, what we believe is our last week of worry and stress about that situation. Help us make You proud of our faith, love, and patience. We know we're going to get through this. We just ask that you give us the closure necessary to cut all ties so we can move forward without any need to be looking back. Thank you for your loving care. We are so grateful for Your awsome presence in our lives. We can feel You with us, guiding us, loving us. Earlier this past week I felt so alone and scared, but I know that it was a test. I hope you found me worthy of granting our request. Please grant me peace so that I don't make any hasty judgements or act rashly. Help me patiently and humbly listen to Your guidance. We love you, Lord, and want to be pleasing always to You.