Two Things

Yesterday was difficult for me. I was very impatient over not feeling closure from the other woman.

I came across a blog where someone told of her obsession with her husband's lover. She followed her around for three years, wanting to know what kind of things she bought, clothes she wore, and the sound of her laugh. She said at the end of three years the only thing she gained was the confirmation that "Yes, my husband had an affair" and all the knowledge she gained in three years didn't give her any insight or help. It scared me reading her story because I don't want to still be thinking about my husband's lover in three years. I have to put an end to this craziness sooner, if I possibly can.

The second thing I wanted to mention was what my counselor and I talked about. I said that it's frustrating for me because I know I am giving her power by still dwelling on her and thinking of her all the time, when she has probably long since moved on and is with another guy and hasn't given my husband or myself a second thought. My counselor said that was very unlikely. She said that very few women could go through that kind of trauma in a breakup and just get over it and move on. She was dumped as coldly and harshly as she could be. She was pregnant and lost a child without once seeing the father for support. She cared about someone a lot who, not only chose not to be with her, but chose to be with someone else OVER her. Being rejected for another woman (that's her perspective, most likely, even though the other woman, ME, was here first) probably was a huge hit to her ego, and has made her feel pretty low about herself. My counselor said that regardless of her values, she highly doubts that she was able to just move on unscathed by the whole ordeal and is probably asking herself every day, "How on earth did this happen? How could I have been so stupid?"

I hope that's true, just so she is capable of some genuine, human feelings. She seems to be so heartless in my head. And truly, her actions were heartless. But she showed my husband what she chose to, and likely buried a lot of pain deep inside. I hope someday I'll know if that is true.

God,
please grant whatever it is I need to find closure and healing. I don't know what that is, but I do know that I do need SOMETHING to let her go. Liz said that with my husband and I doing so much better in our marriage, this is the biggest issue at present that I need to focus on. Please help me find a way. Please help me move on so that I am only preoccupied with my love for my husband, son, and YOU. Amen.